Well here I am, another middle of the night post. Once I awake in the middle of the night I have the hardest time shutting it down again. I lay there wondering how I should decorate baby's room and the new family room. I create a list of to do's to be ready for Christmas with my family in Show Low next weekend, and Jay's side on Christmas day. I think about the parts and pieces I need to get ready for Cora and Nick's wedding on the 18th. I ponder baby's name. I pray. I eat. I think about all the things I didn't get done the day before and what awaits me for tomorrow.
I know there is a lesson in contentment I must learn. Just yesterday a lady at Caeden's gymnastics class asked me when I was due, I told her and I said I was looking forward to having him out already. She said, "enjoy your pregnancy." Oh, I thought. Then I was reading in Mom and loving it to cherish all the moments because they go so quickly. I am definatly in a rush mode of late, thinking, "how can I get everything that needs to get done done?" Even with Caeden I was trying to hustle him along yesterday to get some more errands off my list. I was standing at the car waiting to buckle him in and finally told him "ok, mom is going now." He started running towards me with a purple lantana flower in hand. He said, "mommy I picked this for you." I almost started to cry. One at how bad I felt for trying to have him join my rush and two at what a blessing his sweet reminder was to slow down and enjoy the moments. I am frusturated with myself because I know I will be discontented as long as I continue to focus at everything that needs to get done and the things that will be happening in the next few months. How do I relax long enough each day, each moment to appreciate them before their gone? Should you be looking for something to pray specifically for me on... this is it. I want to be filled with constant joy, patience, love and contentment. I don't want to waste any of my time (or my boys time) because I am so focused on what all we still need to do. As I write I think I am going to not worry about completing my Christmas decorations this year. I have 6 boxes in our shed and presently we only have out C's nativity play set, a wooden nativity of mine and the tree with lights (no ornaments). Could I be so willing in this busy season of preparing for my son to come (and HIS) to let go of the way things have always been decorated? It will be interesting to see, but something has to give so that I have more to give.
2 comments:
I totally hear you...for me, it was letting go of decorating Cora's room until Cole is ready to move to a big boy bed...I get so tempted to push the boys along to fit my expectations (decorated baby room for her arriva) but I decided in trying to be a good "nesting" mother I am sacrificing being a caring mom to the ones I already have...what a lesson for us both :) Love you friend :)
Oh don't worry about all the stuff that needs to be done! I guess we can be opposites in that respect, my house still is barely decorated and we've been living in the same house for 4 years! I've been feeling kind of guilty about it but ya know, in the end does it really matter? NO! If only we could take a little of the other from each other, we would be perfect! So let's make a deal, I will try to be more motivated to make my home a little more homey and you sit on the couch for a little while and just relax! Deal? Let's check up with each other! :) I need encouragement! Love ya cousin!
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